Fictional Piece That went along with a prior blog

For those of you who did not read my blog on the Five Fab Bloggers I posted, let me give you a quick update so you know whats going on here...

I let my friends pick out of 5 craiglist ads which one I would do. They voted and there was two winners. Here is my story on how the first one went..... Or you can go here to read it.

Click here for the blog.

Here is Bachelor #4.. and one of the Winners.

To protect the innocent we shall call him Mr Generous.


I wasn't sure that he would still be available since it said one night only, but I sent him an email anyway. It was only a matter of moments, that I got a reply. He said he loved my picture and would drive to a Philly hotel to meet me.

He wouldn't send me a picture, but told me that he was willing to give me $75.00 for "gas" money and that he wanted to suck my dick.

I was quite nervous when I arrived at his room. 269 was his room number, I thought how fitting. Is ad said older male, but I dig older guys, so I was just hoping that he was a good looking guy that just happened to be married. You know how those married guys are!

I knocked. I waited a minute. I knocked again. Then.. as I began to turn to walk away... The door began to creep open.. "Dan" He said. Yes bitches, I gave him a fake name. No way in hell was I letting this fuck know my name was Matt.

I turned around and I was shocked! I could not believe what I was looking at. Was this a dream?

He looked old enough to be my grandfather!

There he stood in his white Hanes his way t-shirt, a pair of flannel saggy boxers and black socks. His hair was salt and pepper, mostly salt and it was very thin. Yes. He had himself a comb over. When he smiled at me, he teeth look nearly perfect, though. Good teeth is always a plus.

I didn't want to go in, but I had a hard time just being a prick and saying I couldn't do it. So when he asked me to come in. I did. Reluctantly.

When I walked in the room there was a familiar odor in the air. One that I just couldn't put my finger on. He excused himself to go to the restroom, when he stepped away I took a really big whiff trying to figure out this smell. Then it hit me. It was that OLD PERSON smell. It was sort of the cross of hanging out in a nursing home or a 90 year old widows home, who hasn't redecorated or scrubbed the place since 1970. The smell was disturbing me.

I stood up from the edge of the bed and decided I was going to make a run for it. How could I go through with this, was all I could think.

The bathroom door began to open.. I sat back down rather quickly...

He dimmed the hotel room lights. He walked over to me.. handed me 75 dollars and then asked if I was ready for the blog job of my life. I half grinned and said "ready as I will ever be."

He pulled down my pants and began to play with my cock. His hands were cold, and the age spots on them were making me sick. My cock would not get hard.

Finally he went in for the kill. He shoved every inche of my limp dick in his mouth. I layed back on the bed, closed my eyes tight, and just tried to imagine a hot little muscle boy between my thighs. It seemed to be working.

Finally my dick got hard, but the guy was scaping my dick so bad with his teeth. He had no good ryhtm and I just wanted it to be over with. With one final scrape, I screeched. "DUDE, you are hurting my cock with your teeth" He didn't say a word.. and with one quick swoop..

He pulled them out and tossed them.....




On the bed, they landed right by my fucking head. I thought I was going to be sick. As he started going to town on my dick again, I used the pillow to push them away from me.


The blow job was still sucking though. But at least he wasnt tearing my dick up with his teeth anymore.

He didn't bob his head, no twisting, and not much hand action either. He basically just SUCKED it. Like you would suck on bottle. What the fuck? I started losing my erection a little bit.. and then.. as he sucked it harder and harder and harder.. Ohhhh I was about to... cuuuummm..

and then...


He sucked the piss right out of me. Literally! I couldn't believe it. I thought I was about to cum. That is why I let it go. I could feel it stream is how I knew it wasn't cum. I could smell it. I was so embarassed.

He stood up, piss dripping from his mouth. I thought he was going to kill me. Nope.. He dropped his pants and start jacking off. Then he was about to shoot his load on me.

I jummped off that bed so fucking quick. He let his load go all over the place.

I said DUDE I am sorry. I have never had that happen to me before. He told me he knew what he was doing.. threw an extra 50 bucks at me and told me "here is a tip".

I guess he is into golden showers and drinking piss. I was about to gag just thinking he ingested my piss. I wanted to get the fuck out of there. I said thanks.. pulled up my pants.. and headed the fuck out the door.

I got myself a horrible blowjob, pissed in someones mouth, and made a $125 bucks all in 20 mins. What a night.

So there you have it.

Bachelor #4

DONE.

I still have #5 to go.

God, Why did I agree to this??

Homeless

"Matt, what got you blogging?" I was asked .

Actually I used to blog about 2 years ago, they never quite took off like they have now, but I stopped because my myspace account was deleted. I was so pissed off that I vowed I would never blog again because I lost so many blogs and at that point I had like 50 readers. Shit I didnt even decorate my myspace page for a year after I restarted it.

Well it was last August when I was driving home and I seen something. Something that made me want to write again. Now after this blog, I only did two more. Till January. That is when all my craziness started again.


This was my come back blog if you will. I did not change the format. It is just as it was then.

Today I was driving home from the city. On my journey back the place I call home I was listening to Bridgetts Ipod and the pink song "Dear Mr President" came on. I have always liked the song, but this time as she sang the verse "What do you feel when you see all thehomeless on the street?" there was a woman standing with a sign that read. "Homeless; anything will help". She was scraggly, her hair a hot mess and dirty as all could be. I decided that I wanted to write about this just because of the hardness my heart has come to the homeless and why I need to change my way of thinking.

When I was 16 and began driving anytime I went somewhere and was approached by someone asking for change I always gave it without thought. This was something I did up until I was 22. There were times I didn't have any cash so I would go to the closest drive thru and get them some food and take it back to them. In general anytime that I did this gesture I always got a thank you and a God Bless to accompany it. It always warmed my heart and made me feel really good to do for them cause I knew even if it was a dollar that I gave them it made a world of difference.

Then, things began to change. Around the age of 21 I had began working for a place where homeless would frequently hang out front and panhandle. I would always have to run them off due to customers complaining. They would say things such as I just need to get some money to eat. Sir, please let me stay here for just a little bit, I am starving and have no money. It really tore my heart apart when I had to say no that they had to leave. There were a few that started to ruin this though for the majority of homeless. It would piss them off that I would run them off and they would call me names and say mean shit. This was probably what first started hardening my heart. I felt that they shouldn't get pissed at me for doing my job, because I surely didn't want to end up like them.

That was just the start of what turned my compassionate side to more of a bitterness. Many of these men and woman that would stand out there and beg for money would than come into the store and buy alcohol with the money that people gave them. All the time I had given these people money I just assumed it went to food. I know I was naive, but that's what I thought. At this point when I realized what they were doing with the money this is when I completely began to say fuck this shit and not give money to the beggars any longer. I didn't see why my hard earned money, even if it was a dollar or two should go to their addictions.

Don't get me wrong, It didn't completely jade me to all homeless. If someone told me they were hungry I would go and get them something to eat. It was still hard for me to know I could help feed someone and just not do it. I just wasn't as willing as I was before.

Now, back to the lady. When the song was playing, and I seen her I became pretty emotional. I started to feel like shit that I had let myself become so inept to this situation in life. Here I am sitting in a car, wearing $100 dollar jeans, and sipping on a cold Dr Pepper. What the fuck is wrong with me to not want to reach out and help someone that is grateful to have two feet to get around on, anything to wear, and a drink they dug out of the trash.

Something is seriously wrong with us! I say us because I am not the only one that passes by a homeless without giving them a second thought. Let me rephrase, to walk by them and not give them a negative thought. We just see what they look like and at times feel that they are bothersome by asking us for our spare change. What got them to this point? What tragedy did they suffer that they just couldn't get over?

I don't think any of these people just woke up one day and decided they wanted to be homeless. Something happened in their life that took over their mindsets. Maybe they did give up after trying and trying to make life work in their favor. Who are we to judge them for that? I understand that they say we should only help those who want to help themselves, but who says they don't want to. Maybe they have tried countless times and whatever it was that got them to the point their at now just comes back. Whatever their reason for being on the street really doesn't mean we shouldn't have compassion for them.

Unfortunately I don't have tons of money sitting around to hand out to every homeless that ask, but the next time I know I have an extra dollar or a couple quarters in my pocket I'm not going to lie and say no I don't have any. What's it going to hurt me. Maybe those few extra dollars will come back to me in other ways. And if they don't at least I know someone appreciated the small gesture.

Even if the money doesn't go exactly the way I want when I give it to them, at least my heart will not have such a heavy burden.

PS...I personally think every type of person on this earth is here for a reason. The people that are different from us teach us love and acceptance. If your not loving towards those that are unlike yourself your even worse off than they are.

What is that Smell??

New Jersey is known as the Garden state. Sort of Ironic since it is also known for it's wretched smell.

I have always wondered what the horrible smell was and have asked many people what it is exactly. I have heard a number of reasons, but none really made sense.

I just got done reading an article in a Philly paper about the smell of New Jersey and they have pin pointed where it is coming from..


It's lingering out of a small town just 20 mins from Atlantic City....

Here is the source...

To help the stinch of New Jersey they are starting a fundraiser.. they are asking everyone to send in the following products to rid the source of it's smell..

ALL HELP IS APPRECIATED!!
Lets get the Garden State..
To
Really
Smell
Like
A
Garden

Give me FLOPS!

Old Navy
&
One Dollar Flip Flops

I LOVE flip flops. I do not care how trashy people say they are. How out of style they may become, or any other shit talking that comes along with wearing them. They are comfy!

I think by far the most comfy flip flops are the cheap ones. I have probably 15 pairs of flips, just because they are my thing.

When I heard that Old Navy was doing a $1 dollar flip flop sale Saturday, I knew I had to go get me some. The only problem was I wasn't going to be able to get there till 5 pm. That is why I went to an Old Navy that is not really that busy of a store. It sits back in a shopping center that I am surprised isn't out of business yet.


When I arrived at the store, I walked in and the store was pretty busy, but there were not shit tons of people at the checkout so I was glad to see that I wouldn't be in line forever.

I took my ass back to the men's section to get my fab dollar flops... and this is what I see....




Oh Hell NO! These bitches were sold the fuck out! UGH! I was all kinds of sad that I wasn't going to my cheap ass flops!

I decided to go ahead and take a gander around the store since there was other shit on sale also.

While I was checking out the swimwear, out comes this lady pushing a rack full of flip flops!! YAYYY I thought.

Then.. OMG! A fucking stampede began to ensue. I have never seen so many fat black woman run for anything other then Popeye's Chicken! And here they were stampeding through the Old Navy after these 1 dollar flip flops. I was scared!

I about got knocked over! They were not about to let a skinny little white boy get in their way for their treasures!

They had that rack of flip flops turned over and all over the place, digging for their sizes. I heard one big lady bitching that she couldn't find any size 11. Damn big foot was pissed!!!

It was only a matter of seconds that all those flip flops were gone. Then more workers began to bring out more boxes of the dollar treats. I walk over and ask where the men's are.

There were none on the truck. It was ALL women's shoes. None for the guys. WHAT A FUCKING BUNCH OF SHIT.

There I stood.. Looking at all these fat bitches rummaging through box after box of one dollar old navy flip flops and none for me. I was heart broken.

So I decided since I didn't get my fucking flip flops I might as well buy something. So I didn't feel as if my time was completely wasted.
I went back and finished browsing the men's board shorts. The problem.. the same problem I always have with old navy.. is the Mens stuff is just to big for me.

I trolled on over the boys section to check out their board shorts. Maybe something there would fit me....

Plus.... They were Cheaper!

As I looked around.. I found a pair... I thought hey were cute and you know how egotistical I am and how I need lots of attention that I decided to get the brightest fucking pair they had! I NEED TO BE NOTICED.... SO I HAVE BEEN TOLD RECENTLY?

Here they are..

$10 bucks! OH YEAH BABY! I love me some cheap shit.

They fit quite well.. the only problem was.... that inside netting in swim trunks.. OH MY! I couldn't even pull them over my ass because of it.. I had to cut that shit out. Problem solved with the scissors. It's like I am a seamstress!


SO there you have it... Fucking Old Navy didn't even have enough shit in stock to accommodate the masses. They should have given my gay ass a rain check!

Hey at least the trip wasn't totally a waste. I wasn't about to let it. I mean just watching those crazy bitches go after the flip flops was worth it enough.

Rest in Peace, Tiller

I arrived in Wichita safely, around 11:30 am. I step off the plane.. walk to baggage claim and stand and wait for my oversized suitcase to come roaming around the rotating conveier belt. As I was standing and waiting I over heard a lady telling her friend who was also on my flight, "I just heard on the radio that someone has tried to kill Dr. Tiller again."

I was like woah! Again. Damn.


For those of you who have no clue who Dr George Tiller is, he is one of the very few abortion doctors in the United States that will perfom late term Abortions. Due to this he has been in and out of the news since I have been a kid.

Dr Tiller

When I was just a little shit I recall the time that someone tried to blow up his office building. This is when he started to gain national attention for his clinic here in Wichita, Ks. This did not stop him from proceeding with his work.


Then in 1993 Rachelle Shannon fired two rounds at Dr Tiller as he was making is way into his clinic. She was there to protest Tiller and his Clinic.

Tiller has endured a lot more then these two things. These were two most severe cases. I have drove by his Wichita clinic about 2000 times in my life and have seen countless numbers of protest at his clinic.

These people would be peaceful at times, just holding their signs at passing out pamplets to those who were trying to enter his clinic. There were those times though, that it would get very nasty. His clinic has been vandelized numerous times. People felt that if they put fear in his heart, or those who tried to use his services that it would bring it to a crashing hault. It never did.

Then Sunday morning as Dr Tiller was at Church a man walked up to George Tiller, put a gun to his head, and pulled the Trigger. Tiller was killed almost instantly.

Everyone in Wichita knows the name Tiller. His clinic has been one of the most controversial providers of abotions since he opened and began helping femals end unwanted pregnancies.

Though, it was rare to see him out and about. I met Tiller once. It was very brief. He seemed like a rather pleasant person. Not someone I would ever take my rage out on just because I may not agree with his late term abortion policies.


Dr. George Tiller is dead. No longer can he perform another abortion. But what does this prove? What is it going to change? Did this gun man send a strong message.

I understand that people do not agree with abortion. We have laws people. If you feel that you do not like somehting, or have a strong disposition against it, then you fight for your right with the laws. You do not take a gun and blow someones brains out.

Abortion protestors are EVIL! They will stop at nothing, even killing someone to get THEIR point across. I am all for freedoms. I am all for taking a stand, but when you are taking a stand in such an vile way you are no better than the people you are targerting.

I am honestly one of those fence sitters on Abortion. I wish it wouldnt be needed, but I do see the need. I have blogged about this already so i wont go in to much detail about what I feel, but regardless... I think if these protestors are in much need of some TACT.

I want to thank Dr George Tiller for the service he provided to many woman who felt they had no other options but to abort. I want to thank him for risking and giving his life to help those who may have harmed themselves in risking a self abortion.

The man did not deserve this. I am sorry.

This was the 4th Abortion Doctor whom as been shot and killed. I am sure he wont be the last. But all this is going to do is drive up the cost of Abortions.. its not going to end it.


My thoughts and prayers go out to the Tiller family.. They lost your husband, father, friend.. because of others ignorances. God Bless.

I ♥ My Family

Family, Tears, and Laughter

I hate being serious. No. Seriously. It's just not me... even when times are tough I got to be a nut. I will fight back the tears.. even when they want to fall and try to make those around me laugh. Laughter is the one thing that I KNOW will lift up the spirits. That and Valium and Vodka.

Tonight there was 6 of us in my uncles room. He isn't responding to us much now. So people were starting to be sober with the hurt. The pain. The anguish. I had to lighten the mood.

My uncle is set up in a private room at the VA. This is actually because when he was in a shared room, the other man, god bless the old fart.. was having to hear my loud ass family. And trust.. These fuckers can get loud. And I am not sure he liked the word cunt. Than again, he may have. I never really asked him.

The room has a long couch and a couple chairs in it. Sitting in front of the couch over to the edge is a protable commode. 2 of my aunts and a cousin were on the long couch... another in a chair.

They were having a conversation about something or another and it was just getting too serious and sad...

I stood up very nonchalant walked over to the commode. I lifted the lid and acted as if I was looking in it to see if something were in it. Even though my uncle can not use the restroom anymore, let alone even get out of the bed. One of my Aunts looked at me like I was crazy for opening it up and looking in it. But they carried on with their conversation.

After lifting the lid up. I turned around. I unbuttoned my pants.. and started to pull my pants down..

My butt crack was exposed and since the commode was right in front of the corner of the couch.. they all got to see the crack. I started to do the whole action of pulling your pants down while going in for the squat on the commode

My aunt squealed

"MATTHEWWWWWWW What are you doinggggggggg?"

I said "I need to take a real big shit"

My other aunt

"MATTHEW GO TO THE BATHROOM, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

My Cousin...

"Ummm are you all really surprised"

Then they all started laughing. I wont forget the look of horror on my Aunts face when she thought I was really going to take a shit right there in the commode in front of all of them. We all had a good laugh. The mood was lightened.

Nothing I do surprises my family anymore... They know I am crazy enough that I might just take a crap right in front of them!

I sure do love my family. I have been blessed. I may not come from the wealthiest of families, but I sure do come from a family of love and laughter.

AND THE MESSAGE OF THE DAY..

GOT TOE?

I have something serious I really need to talk to you all about. Something I just do not understand. I was thinking. I have some really smart friends and readers. They may be able to help me out with something.

I am truly one of those people when I am confused or do not understand something about people I will ask. So that is what I am doing.

Yesterday when I was walking in the Wal-Mart I seen this chick walking in White Skin tight pants. I did a double take.. and there they were. A nice set. Of Camel toes.

So what is the deal ladies? Why do you think it is sexy for your pussy lips to be showing through your jeans, shorts, or other assorted outfits?

Do you think it turns guys on to look over and see your pussy trying to escape for a piece of their big hot cock? Do you feel that men love big fat sloppy pussy and you want to show them that you are just the girl for them?

I really do not get it. If I had a pussy I would want that shit tucked away. Not peeking out of shorty shorts. I would want the guys to think my twat was so tight that it could break their dick off when one simple squeeze! I would NOT advertise I have big set of sloppy sagging pussy lips.

I understand that some outfits are just going to show this.. but why wear those outfits? Why advertise how used up your cunt really is? If that outfit is so cute and you really must wear it.. how about using an accessory to keep it to a minimum.....

Use some duct tape to keep that that enormous vulva in check. As you see it comes in assorted colors.. to match any outfit! SOMETHING! But come on.

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe there is a reason for it.. Do guys think SIZE MATTERS when it comes to the way your lips hang..

I wonder if married woman show off their over bearing pussy lips to express to the world that their man has a big dick and has tore their shit up. It seems that may be the case with the First Lady. She wants us to know the rumor IS TRUE! Black men are hung like donkeys.. that or she been sneaking out to the White House petting zoo.

SO PLEASE! DO TELL! WHAT IS IT? WHAT MAKES THE CAMEL TOE SO SEXY THAT WOMAN WANT TO SHOW THIS SHIT OFF?

ANY ANSWERS??

BROTHERLY LOVE

My brother and sister in-law went to bed around 10 but told the kids they could finish watching their movie if they promised to go to sleep right after it ended. Of course they agreed. My nephews are 10 and 5.. Bryce and Caleb.

Before the movie ended Caleb, the 5 year old crashed smooth the fuck out on the floor without a pillow or blanket. I figured once the movie was over I would pick him up and carry him to his bed.

I looked over into the living room and I seen Bryce getting up off the couch, I was gonna ask what he was doing but I just let him go to see what he had up his sleeve. He walked over to the chair and grabbed a blanket, he than walked over and spread it out over his little brother. He than got a pillow off the couch, lifted up his sleeping brothers head and placed it under his head. Then, the sweetest thing. He gave his brother a kiss on the forehead and whispered "Goodnight, Caleb. I love you".

It almost brought a tear to my eye. Not because it was sweet.. but because of how much these two remind me of me and my brother. My brother has these two sons and its funny how much people say these two kids remind them of me and my brother when we were little... not only the actions but also the physical appreance.

My brother though is only a year younger than me, but he was so little and scrawny that he looked 5 years younger than me. He was blond hair, blue eyed. I was brown haired, hazel eyed. Here is a picture of us when we were 5 and 6

Now here are his two.

Now there were rarely sweet moments like I told you about between my brother and I like I talked of above.. I am sure there were some that I do no remember, but what I do remember is not pleasant.


I actually hated my brother as a kid. Basically I was very jealous of him. I won't go into a lot of detail with that, but it makes me sad that I felt this way towards him for so many years.

My brother also LOVED to torment me. To this day I still fucking hate the smell of peanut butter becuase of this shithead. He would HOLD ME down after eating his PB&J and breath that retched rank peanut butter breath in my face. I would start bawling and almost begin to puke! Then another one of his favorite things to do to me was hold me down and let his spit drip down almost to my face and right before it dropped he would suck it back up... UGH!!!!!!!!! It still grosses me out thinking about it. There were a few times that I wasn't so lucky and the shit actually dropped on my face. My brother also thought it was fun to constantly lick his finger and stick it in my ear. It was if he couldn't even walk by me without bothering me. He was really a fuck face.


A day came when I finally started to love my brother. He is actually someone I would do anything in the world for. I know the same comes from him.

Though we didn't have a fantastic brotherly love as kids, I am so thankful that he is my brother now. When the good Lord above was handing out siblings I must say that I really am glad that it was him I was handed.. even if I couldn't stand him as child.


I never thought it would be this way. When I hear stories about people fighting and hating their siblings it always breaks my heart. They just don't realize how much love they are missing out on by letting stupid shit stand in the way of a good realtionship. My hope is that everyone can be as lucky as me and get over the jealousy they have towards their siblings and learn to love them.

A bigger hope is that my two nephews that remind me so much of my brother and I always have a great relationship and that they know they always have each other. If I ever hear one of them say they hate the other I am going to knock the shit out of them and make them hear the story of their dad and their uncle Matt.

AUCTION TIME

I was just talking to my sister a bit ago, the one in Philly that I live with. She informed me that the home computer crashed and we are shit out of luck on getting a new one. So now I will be forced to use the lap top. That means I won't be using the computer much. I HATE Laptops. That's right. Hate those mother fuckers. Luckily I wont be home for a week so i don't have to deal with that right now.

But.. I have decided that I am going to Auction off a few personal items of mine to you all. To start the new computer fund. So I can continue to bring you all my award winning blogs that you can not live your life without. I told my aunt I was going to Auction of my sex last night and she wasn't pleased by that so I had to go another route.

So lets get this shit rolling.

First Item up for bid..

A wad of my very own pubic hair. I will not bathe for a week so that way I can be sure to get that 100% musty crotch smell embedded in it just for you.

We will start the bidding off at $ 10.

Next Item up for Bid.

My Pair of Old Navy tighty whiteys. These suckers have been worn day in and day out. As you see I left an autograph on them for you.. These can be worn or sniffed. Whatever you want to do with them. They will be a perfect addition to any underwear collection.


We will start the bidding at $25.

Next Item up for bid.

A replica dildo of my cock. I will get the kit. Stick my dick in it.. and you will be able to have your very own MattKansas cock. This way.. even when I am not there.. You will always be able to feel my very best.. .deep inside your snatch.. or poopshoot. Whatever your working with.

We shall start the bidding at $75

Next Item up for bid..

That's right. A big juicy pile of my jizz. You can be the proud owner of millions and millions of minature Matt's. You can guzzle it.. use it as a facial.. or you can even drip it in your snatch and get knocked up. Just know that I will not be paying child support.

The bidding will start at $100.

Our final Item up for bid.

CAM TO CAM

For one 1/2 hour I will be at your beck and call. You can make me stroke my cock. Self suck my dick... or shove a loaf of wonder bread up my ass. Whatever you want. It's your time!


The Bidding starts at $500




There you go. My auction begins now and promptly ends on Monday. Get to buying.



Make sure you send this blog to all your friends. So they dont miss out on the wonderful oppurtunity to have a piece of Matt Kansas!


*Note - Buyer is responsible for shipping and handling. If anything comes damaged.. dont cry about it.. just deal with it.

Lets Cook Up A Lesson On Love

Cooking Lesson

With your Host

Matt Kansas

First thing we start off with is the stove top.

When I began to cook, I seem to always place the items that I want to spend more care with towards the front of the range. Things that can simmer, boil, or just a side dish go towards the back. I mean since they aren't quite as important.

It seems to me that there are a lot of people.. who let themselves be much like my cooking style. I like to call those the BACK BURNER BITCHES. Shit, I won't deny it. I allowed myself to be one at a time in my life also. Like a fucking loser. I knew my place, but I didn't want to admit it.

Lucky for me though, I didn't stay on that back burner very long. The fire went out, because I spilled right the fuck over on that flame.

Just like those back burners.. where we put the food that is less tempting, that we aren't as worried about burning, because hell, it's just a side dish anyways.. it's not like it would be a big deal to replace... that is where many men and womEn place people they are "dating". I will use the word dating as loose as Jenna Jamesons overused twat.

Though, these people who throw your ass on the back burner.. they know exactly what they are doing. They know its harder to burn you, they know you will sit back there and boil awhile. They know, that as long as they check on you once awhile.. add a little seasoning, or dick, whatever. That you will stay back in your place simmering.... just waiting to be stirred every so often.

They leave you back there, tending to you once in awhile.. but guess what. They know.. that you are there to feed them.. when it comes time. You will fill their "side" needs.

These people are leaving their front burners for the MAIN course. And there you sit.. on your little back burner.. wanting.. yearning.. begging.. pleaing... to be brought to the front.. like the little bitch you are.

Well come on people. Do you not think its time to become someones main course. Aren't you ready to be brought to the front burner? Isn't it your time?

I will tell you this, once a guy has put you on that back burner.. and after you have tried time and time again to get him to realize how awesome you taste and how you should be up front.. It won't matter. He knows your place. And the place.. is.. well you guessed..

RIGHT IN THE BACK! Out of the way.. for when the main course is ready to be cooked.

I know some people don't like analogies.. but fuck you .. it's my blog!

In all seriousness. You know when its happening to you.

When you only do things with him when its convienent to his schedule. When EVERY time you hang out there is ALWAYS sex involved. When his time seems to be way more important than yours. It's time to move on.

If you do the following steps.. You are.. a BACK BURNER BITCH.

1. When you call him, and he doesnt answer or get back to you within the hour.. or day.. but if he calls or text you... and you get back to him within a moment of seconds.. or minutes..

uh hmm BACK BURNER BITCH

2. When you tell him that you really are into him, and that you care so much for him.. and he responds with.. I am not ready for a realtionship right now..

uh hmm BACK BURNER BITCH

3. If he only hangs out with you ALONE and won't take you around his friends.. but you would LOVE for him to meet your family/friends.

Uh Hmmm BACK BURNER BITCH

4. When he is really really sweet to you while drinking or knowing he is going to get some pussy/ass. But normally he isn't like that.

Uh Hmm BACK BURNER BITCH.

I am here to tell you. These people They do NOT WANT YOU! They want your fucking time when all else fails. You aren't going to change that. No matter how many little games they play with you.

It's time to move on. It's time to find that person who is going to bring you to the FRONT OF THE RANGE BABY!!!

WHERE YOU BELONG!