Actually I used to blog about 2 years ago, they never quite took off like they have now, but I stopped because my myspace account was deleted. I was so pissed off that I vowed I would never blog again because I lost so many blogs and at that point I had like 50 readers. Shit I didnt even decorate my myspace page for a year after I restarted it.
Well it was last August when I was driving home and I seen something. Something that made me want to write again. Now after this blog, I only did two more. Till January. That is when all my craziness started again.
This was my come back blog if you will. I did not change the format. It is just as it was then.
Today I was driving home from the city. On my journey back the place I call home I was listening to Bridgetts Ipod and the pink song "Dear Mr President" came on. I have always liked the song, but this time as she sang the verse "What do you feel when you see all thehomeless on the street?" there was a woman standing with a sign that read. "Homeless; anything will help". She was scraggly, her hair a hot mess and dirty as all could be. I decided that I wanted to write about this just because of the hardness my heart has come to the homeless and why I need to change my way of thinking.
When I was 16 and began driving anytime I went somewhere and was approached by someone asking for change I always gave it without thought. This was something I did up until I was 22. There were times I didn't have any cash so I would go to the closest drive thru and get them some food and take it back to them. In general anytime that I did this gesture I always got a thank you and a God Bless to accompany it. It always warmed my heart and made me feel really good to do for them cause I knew even if it was a dollar that I gave them it made a world of difference.
Then, things began to change. Around the age of 21 I had began working for a place where homeless would frequently hang out front and panhandle. I would always have to run them off due to customers complaining. They would say things such as I just need to get some money to eat. Sir, please let me stay here for just a little bit, I am starving and have no money. It really tore my heart apart when I had to say no that they had to leave. There were a few that started to ruin this though for the majority of homeless. It would piss them off that I would run them off and they would call me names and say mean shit. This was probably what first started hardening my heart. I felt that they shouldn't get pissed at me for doing my job, because I surely didn't want to end up like them.
That was just the start of what turned my compassionate side to more of a bitterness. Many of these men and woman that would stand out there and beg for money would than come into the store and buy alcohol with the money that people gave them. All the time I had given these people money I just assumed it went to food. I know I was naive, but that's what I thought. At this point when I realized what they were doing with the money this is when I completely began to say fuck this shit and not give money to the beggars any longer. I didn't see why my hard earned money, even if it was a dollar or two should go to their addictions.
Don't get me wrong, It didn't completely jade me to all homeless. If someone told me they were hungry I would go and get them something to eat. It was still hard for me to know I could help feed someone and just not do it. I just wasn't as willing as I was before.
Now, back to the lady. When the song was playing, and I seen her I became pretty emotional. I started to feel like shit that I had let myself become so inept to this situation in life. Here I am sitting in a car, wearing $100 dollar jeans, and sipping on a cold Dr Pepper. What the fuck is wrong with me to not want to reach out and help someone that is grateful to have two feet to get around on, anything to wear, and a drink they dug out of the trash.
Something is seriously wrong with us! I say us because I am not the only one that passes by a homeless without giving them a second thought. Let me rephrase, to walk by them and not give them a negative thought. We just see what they look like and at times feel that they are bothersome by asking us for our spare change. What got them to this point? What tragedy did they suffer that they just couldn't get over?
I don't think any of these people just woke up one day and decided they wanted to be homeless. Something happened in their life that took over their mindsets. Maybe they did give up after trying and trying to make life work in their favor. Who are we to judge them for that? I understand that they say we should only help those who want to help themselves, but who says they don't want to. Maybe they have tried countless times and whatever it was that got them to the point their at now just comes back. Whatever their reason for being on the street really doesn't mean we shouldn't have compassion for them.
Unfortunately I don't have tons of money sitting around to hand out to every homeless that ask, but the next time I know I have an extra dollar or a couple quarters in my pocket I'm not going to lie and say no I don't have any. What's it going to hurt me. Maybe those few extra dollars will come back to me in other ways. And if they don't at least I know someone appreciated the small gesture.
Even if the money doesn't go exactly the way I want when I give it to them, at least my heart will not have such a heavy burden.
PS...I personally think every type of person on this earth is here for a reason. The people that are different from us teach us love and acceptance. If your not loving towards those that are unlike yourself your even worse off than they are.