Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What REALLY makes you gay!

The Real Reason People are Gay (It's not hereditary)

I have heard time and time again from religious freaks and other dick heads that being born gay is impossible. That it is against nature to be gay. That something along the way happened to make a person "THINK" they are gay.

I have always been one that has argued till I was blue in the balls, wait I mean face. Sorry I haven't had sex in over 2 months. Which is causing me major blue balls. So anyways I defend the fact repeatedly that I was born gay.

Finally I thought what if I am wrong? What if I wasn't born this way. Is there something that could have made me queer?

My brother and I were raised in the exact same environment. We were treated pretty much the same for the most part. We had the same life. We just looked different. So what I decided to do was to compare the two of us to figure out if my homosexuality was learned and not hereditary .

So other then the obvious my brother is a year younger then me. He is blond hair blue eyed and I am brown hair green eyed. Same parents. Same upbringing.

The more and more I thought about it.. I started to realize something. It was coming to me, a break through. I found the difference in the two of us. Something that maybe, just maybe caused me to be a raging homosexual.

I realized that my brother LOVED to play with trucks and I loved me some Barbie.

I remember my love for Barbie started at a pretty early age. My parents were very ANTI Barbie for me though. If I was caught playing with her, I was spanked and told that I was NOT a girl. Then they would hand me a fucking truck. A god damn truck. Are you kidding me? What the hell was I suppose to do with that shit? Well I did like trucks for when I would move Barbie's Furniture.

My aunt who is just 5 years older then me had tons and tons of Barbies... Barbie clothes.. Barbie cars... Barbie accessories.. .. Barbie EVERYTHING!!! It was like a little homo in the makings dream! When I would go visit my Grandma I would sneak in my aunts room.. gather up some Barbies and accessories without being seen and would take them under the stairs where no one could catch me playing with that beautiful gal Barbie.

Now don't worry I also had a great plan that I had to follow through with several times, just in case I was caught. I would take magic markers for the just in case moments. When I would hear someone approaching and I knew I was going to get caught playing with the Barbs I would start coloring on her and ripping her body parts off left and right. I felt sooooo bad when I would decapitate my best friend, but sometimes I knew things just had to be done. Barbie not having a head was no where near as important as me NOT getting my hands slapped. I mean its expected for little boys rip up Barbie, just as long as they aren't playing with them in the correct manner. So this is what I would do to get my Barbie fix. You may think I am kidding, but far from it. I was a Barbie closet case.

So the more I think about it. I realize. It was this fucking bitch Barbie that made me as queer as a 50 dollar bill (yeah 50's are queer to me because i am a broke bitch). I was told not to mess with her. They must have known if I was to play with the most beautiful doll in the world that I was destined to be a faggot. Maybe parents do know best. So yes folks it is Barbies fault that I Matthew Kansas loves the cock!!

How though... well lets look back.


Look at her smile. She was ALWAYS happy. I never one time seen Barbie without a smile. She was my role model to stay positive and happy!

Gay means Happy right? Wouldn't that technically make Barbie gay? Well I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to be just as gay as her!! I didn't want to be sad and miserable like those that were against the word gay.
Fred Phelps


Barbie had the most Beautiful home. So beautiful if fact she called in the Barbie dream home...I wanted home just like hers. Just a little less pink.

This wasn't the case for me.. Instead this was my home...


Barbie had sooo many fabulous outfits to choose from, they were always designer and the latest trends.

I could only dream of a closet full of wonderful clothes.. instead all my clothes came from here.....


Barbie always has had nice cars. Lets face it, this bitch drove around in style...

Not my family.. nope.. no way.. we drove around in a POS

So you see... Barbie had everything. She was beautiful, she had nice clothes, a beautiful home, and of course all the fancy cars.

I know some of you are saying.. come on Matt why couldn't you at least play with Ken...

Fuck that! Ken didn't have shit! For God's sake he didn't even have a dick.

So now thanks to Barbie....

I am a

Gay Flag Waving,*flX3A47IgzP-y9DMJw_/GayFlag.jpg

Drag Queen loving,

Buttsex wanting,


I think today we need to make a stand. We must call a Ban on Mattell the makers of Barbie. They are the creators of this world of Sodomites. It's to late for me and many others. Are desitny of cock sucking and rectum riding can not be changed. But we can help prevent this disgust of faggotry for future generations!

I am asking you all to help out in this. Please spread the word. We must ban together to end homosexuality!!! DON'T BUY BARBIE!!!!!

So now you know the real reason for homosexuality. No we weren't born this way, Barbie made us gay!! AMEN! The Bible Thumpers were right all along!


  1. I though maybe my ability to accessorize outfits well & fanatical devotion to Coco Chanel had something to do with it...not to mention my Love of Penis!

  2. Let me just say I am gay and totally not affiliated with none of this mess lol... except I grew up in a trailer too. I played with cars and trucks and electric race tracks and all the stuff "normal" boys do. The only thing that anybody could rag me about was the fact that I absolutely loved knitting and crocheting when I was a boy. Back then everyone said thats a girl thing but these days everyone knows that art isn't gender specific and now I laugh in the face of those who made fun of me for doing something I love because I now own my own little business knitting and selling my hats and beanies. I once wrote a passage on one of my old websites that read "Knitting doesn't make me gay. I was knitting long before I learned how to suck a dick." LMAO!! Your post here was pretty humorous. And you are right. Ken doesn't have a dick lol.

  3. I used to make my dolls have sex. And then I think once when I was 10 years old I made my Ken dolls do it, and my Barbies have lesbian sex. And then sometimes I would dress up my Ken dolls in Barbie's clothes. I guess that was the first sign that I would be a bi-gendered pansexual. XD

    Great blog, Matt.

    <3 Miranda

  4. when I was a little boy I palyed with barbies...My grandmother bought me barbies and barbie clothes but I had to keep them at her house. once I took them ( all 13 ) home and my dad caught me playing barbies and be took them away and burnt them in our back yard. I was tramatized. when I turned 21, i beat my fathers face with a stick but he did not press charges.

  5. matt I had trucks to move barbies furniture as well. Love IT.