Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Not always as it appears.

We all know that there are things out there that just do not seem to really be what they appear. When we see, hear, or smell something we may think it's one thing but in all actuality its something completely different.

Let me give you a couple examples....

What do you think when you see this picture? Are you thinking? Aww what a cute little trio of siblings? WRONG! You should be saying awww..what a cute family. This 13 year old boy and 15 year old girl are the proud parents of this precious little child.

Then those are those times that your HEAR your other half lean over and whisper that they love you...

In all actuality you they can't even stand you anymore and they are just trying to get some pussy for the night...

How about when you walk into someones home and you get a whiff of something that smells ohhhhhh so yummy......

Mmmmm Sugar cookies. They make your mouth water. You think Shit I just showed up at Betty Crockers just in time to eat this bitches baking!

Then you look over and what do you see? A fucking candle!

There are things that we may think are something else, when really they aren't. I know all to well that sometimes things just aren't as they "appear".

I for one am not really big on morning sex. When I am waking up it takes awhile for me to adjust to the land of the living. The last thing I want is someone rolling over and shoving a cock in my mouth at seven in the damn morning. Now, if someone wants to blow me and not expect reciprocation that is fine. They can suck my cock, lick my nipples, or shove their tongue as deep in my hole as they possibly can. That I have no issue with. Just don't make me do it back!

The problem is that when you are with someone for quite sometime you have to give in and do things you really don't want to do. Or at least you should. If you want the relationship to last for more then a week or two. If you are a slut, fine this rule doesn't apply to you.

One morning I woke up to my ex giving me a morning blow job, of course I tried to act like I was asleep even when I was awake. That way I wouldn't have to do it back. It felt pretty damn good, a moan came about and of course that just made him realize I was awake! Damn the luck!!

Now, he knows I love to eat me a hot hole - so what does he do? He swings his ass around to my face. In 69 position. He was ready for me to toss that salad.

I really prefer cereal for breakfast, but whatever. So I did my famous scratch and sniff on his asshole before I even dared to stick my tongue anywhere near it. I mean my god we just woke up and I am not about to shove my tongue in an unclean fuck box. So I licked my fingered and rubbed his little hole. Took a whiff and he luckily passed the test. His orifices was squeaky clean. Or so I thought.

Half asleep and groggy I began to lick that mancunt of his, like a true ass eating champ. Cramming my tongue deeper and deeper with each thrust of my tongue into his box. Then out of no where a smell hit me. It was sort of a rancid smell. Not exactly a shit smell, but a smell of dirty ass none the less. That turned me off. I went limp. He was confused. I told him he needed to go wash his ass. It was an awkward moment, but we had been together a few years so its easy to be honest after much time as a couple.

After he took his quick shower focusing on this little man pussy, he comes back and jumps into bed. Instead of immediately going for the cock he comes in for a kiss, which led me to sucking on his neck. Something that drove him absolutely wild. In the process of doing this the smell came back once again. I was smelling his dirty ass on his neck now!! What the hell? Why is he smelling like dirty pooper all over.

I cupped my mouth and breathed in it to get a whiff of my own breath. OHHH Sweet Jesus! I about passed out at the smell! I had the most god awful case of rank morning breath imaginable. I had never had this problem before, not sure why it was so bad, but here I was thinking his little hole was smelling of dingle berries and yesterdays enchilada! All along it was my stinking ass breath. Once I realized this, I told him I needed to pee and got up and went and brushed my teeth. I sure the hell wasn't going to tell him it was my breath that stunk. I was just going to keep letting him think his hole was NOT FUCK-A-LICIOUS!

So you see folks.. much like my bad breath things out there are not always as they seem. Before you make a quick judgment on things, make sure you know what the fuck you are talking about. No need in insulting someone or their little sausage pocket in the process. Or anyone or anything for that matter. Just know what the hell you are talking about before you say shoot of at the mouth.


  1. hahaha!! a little listerine goes a long way. at least he was polite enough not to say anything about your dogshit breath. i would've definitely told you to go brush your stank ass teeth!


  2. hahahahaaha!!!

    You're too funny!

    I would have started snoring into his ass! :)

  3. That was too funny....almost spit my ice tea out of my nose... thankfully, I have a good gag reflex. You're right; things are not always as they may appear. There's no reason to mean & needlessly hurtful with ones' Loved ones...or anyone else for that matter!

  4. I think morning breath is the number one reason for not having morning sex. There used to be a commercial where the man and woman would turn to each other to kiss good morning, and both of them cover their mouths and jump out of bed to go brush their teeth.

  5. I read this months ago when it was first written. It was funny then and is still funny the second time around. I think I actually laughed harder this time because I was having force myself to keep quiet and not wake others.

    Matt, miss your writing and videos...