Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Lets Cook Up A Lesson On Love

Cooking Lesson
With your Host
Matt Kansas

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First thing we start off with is the stove top.

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When I began to cook, I seem to always place the items that I want to spend more care with towards the front of the range. Things that can simmer, boil, or just a side dish go towards the back. I mean since they aren't quite as important.

It seems to me that there are a lot of people.. who let themselves be much like my cooking style. I like to call those the BACK BURNER BITCHES. Shit, I won't deny it. I allowed myself to be one at a time in my life also. Like a fucking loser. I knew my place, but I didn't want to admit it.

Lucky for me though, I didn't stay on that back burner very long. The fire went out, because I spilled right the fuck over on that flame.

Just like those back burners.. where we put the food that is less tempting, that we aren't as worried about burning, because hell, it's just a side dish anyways.. it's not like it would be a big deal to replace... that is where many men and womEn place people they are "dating". I will use the word dating as loose as Jenna Jamesons overused twat.

Though, these people who throw your ass on the back burner.. they know exactly what they are doing. They know its harder to burn you, they know you will sit back there and boil awhile. They know, that as long as they check on you once awhile.. add a little seasoning, or dick, whatever. That you will stay back in your place simmering.... just waiting to be stirred every so often.

They leave you back there, tending to you once in awhile.. but guess what. They know.. that you are there to feed them.. when it comes time. You will fill their "side" needs.

These people are leaving their front burners for the MAIN course. And there you sit.. on your little back burner.. wanting.. yearning.. begging.. pleaing... to be brought to the front.. like the little bitch you are.

Well come on people. Do you not think its time to become someones main course. Aren't you ready to be brought to the front burner? Isn't it your time?

I will tell you this, once a guy has put you on that back burner.. and after you have tried time and time again to get him to realize how awesome you taste and how you should be up front.. It won't matter. He knows your place. And the place.. is.. well you guessed..

RIGHT IN THE BACK! Out of the way.. for when the main course is ready to be cooked.

I know some people don't like analogies.. but fuck you .. it's my blog!

In all seriousness. You know when its happening to you.

When you only do things with him when its convienent to his schedule. When EVERY time you hang out there is ALWAYS sex involved. When his time seems to be way more important than yours. It's time to move on.

If you do the following steps.. You are.. a BACK BURNER BITCH.

1. When you call him, and he doesnt answer or get back to you within the hour.. or day.. but if he calls or text you... and you get back to him within a moment of seconds.. or minutes..


2. When you tell him that you really are into him, and that you care so much for him.. and he responds with.. I am not ready for a realtionship right now..


3. If he only hangs out with you ALONE and won't take you around his friends.. but you would LOVE for him to meet your family/friends.


4. When he is really really sweet to you while drinking or knowing he is going to get some pussy/ass. But normally he isn't like that.


I am here to tell you. These people They do NOT WANT YOU! They want your fucking time when all else fails. You aren't going to change that. No matter how many little games they play with you.

It's time to move on. It's time to find that person who is going to bring you to the FRONT OF THE RANGE BABY!!!


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